Shut In, Shut Out

I've been meaning to write this entry for a week or so. But the fact that I haven't written a single entry for the entire month of September mirrors how my September has been: a roller coaster of business and emotion.

I say this every month, but really, where has September gone? Maybe it's the extended summer weather that's making it hard to believe that the calendars turn over to October next week!

But let me tell you about my September - it's been an interesting one.

From the outset of the month, it was destined to be busy (both work and personal) and emotionally trying.

A good friend of mine got married over the Labour Day weekend. It was a time of great excitement and stress. Last week, we had two major events at work. It is only September, but I have already skipped many lunch hours and have stayed late, including working until 11:00 p.m. last Thursday and 7:30 p.m. last Friday.

The week before the wedding and the weeks before that I had been pouring my time, energy, and heart into preparing a presentation (along with other sisters) to re-charter Delta Phi Epsilon at UBC.

They chose another sorority...

My initial reaction was utter disappointment. But this whole time I have not felt sad or shed a tear. I have mostly felt anger. Anger that the young women making the decision didn't understand the countless hours over the past five years our alumnae have put into our return. Our unwavering support to the UBC Greek system in both a volunteer and financial capacity meant absolutely nothing at the end of the day.

Had this decision been made months ago, however, I would have cried. Like a baby. Which was my reaction when the chapter closed down five years ago. I cried at the news. Cried every time I thought about that hole left at UBC. So why didn't I cry this time?

During my month off this summer, I had a lot of time to spend with... me. Something I'm not usually interested in. I thought a lot about myself, my life, my relationships with others, how I react to and deal with things.

I suppose my "epiphany" came while vacationing in Osoyoos. During that time I read the latest book club pick: Eat, Pray, Love. Now you know I don't believe in God or religion, but there was something to the whole theme of the journey of self discovery. And so I started to change things about myself and the way I look at life. I was sick and tired of being so critical about everything and everyone. So I changed that. And it has made a difference. It's been difficult being so positive, especially when times seem not so positive. But it has certainly helped me get through the last couple of weeks.

Anger aside, I thought back to when the chapter closed and where I was in my life. I was newly engaged and recently graduated from BCIT. I was not married. Our alumnae chapter was in it's infancy. I had not been through my dark period (aka my Planet Bingo employment). I had not yet joined curves. I had not yet started Polynesian dancing...

The chapter closing was a very hard pill to swallow, but it also lead to new opportunities and adventures. Things I may not have had the time or need to do if I was still a chapter advisor.

The chapter not returning means things are status quo, but it also leaves an opening for other opportunities. Other opportunities for me, my sisters, and our alumnae chapter.

With the news of the chapter not returning and the craziness of work, and an annoying cold that won't go away, I became a hermit. Over the last two weeks I have avoided friends, not felt much like socializing. Living the life the opposite of me.

I felt so tired when I got up last Saturday, but went to Curves nonetheless. About halfway through my workout the burdens of September went away. I felt light, happy, excited, energized. I have never experienced a 'turnaround' like that before. Dare we say, it was almost spiritual...